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Always Dad: Being a Great Father During & After Divorce

by Paul Mandelstein

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Summary

Remain an integral part of your kids' lives during and after divorce

More and more, divorced fathers are finding out that, rather than being one half of a "broken" home, they can continue to play a crucial role in their children's lives.

You can, too. Turn to Always Dad and discover how to work with your ex to create a fulfilling extended family, one that can help ensure that your kids grow up in an enriching, loving environment.

Whether you're in the initial stages of divorce, dealing with the immediate aftermath or well past one, this book will provide down-to-earth ideas and strategies you can use right now.

Paul Mandelstein understands what you're experiencing. As a divorced father of three, he founded the Father Resource Network to help dads remain involved in their children’s lives. With Always Dad, he distills his many years of working with divorced fathers into one powerful volume.

Get back on track, develop fulfilling relationships, experience personal growth and -- most importantly -- be the father that your kid needs. Always Dad will help you at every step.

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Table of Contents

Introduction - Lemons into Lemonade

A Chance for Growth
Getting Started
It's All About the Kids

Chapter One - Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

One Last Try
Honoring the Bonds of Our Children
Taking Care of Yourself
Who Moves Out?
Leave the Lawyer Stuff for Later if You Can
Money, Money, Money, Money
Hang In There

Chapter Two - Creating Your New Home

Making a Home
Location, Location, Location
Make Room for the Kids
What's Cookin'?
Excuse Me! Do I Look Like a Taxi?
Remember You're Human
Taking Stock

Chapter Three - Daily Life as a Single Dad

A Typical Day
On Less-Than-Ideal Days
Managing the Details
Caring for Your Kids
Baby Sitters and After-School Care
Homework, TV, Games, & Leisure
"Right Speech" and Staying Focused on the Future

Chapter Four - The Noncustodial Dance

Dealing with the Changes
Some Things Don't Change
Staying Connected
Different Voices, Different Homes
Establishing Your House Rules
Getting Flexible at Work
Show Up When You Say You Will
Presence, Not Presents

Chapter Five - Ex-Communications: 10 Ways to Make Talking to Your Ex Easier

1. Be Nice
2. Spare the Kids
3. Get Help
4. Take 24
5. Create Clear Boundaries
6. Don't Try to Change Her
7. Find Ways to Agree
8. Listen to Your Ex-Spouse without Defending Yourself
9. Let Your Ex Have Her Way While Not Giving Up Yours
10. Ask for What You Want
11. Bonus Advice: Ground Rules for Face-to-Face Meetings

Chapter Six - Settling Up: Legal and Custody Issues

The High Cost of Conflict
The Basics of the Legal Divorce
Dividing the Pie: Spousal Support and Property Division
How to Choose an Attorney
Making a Paper Trail
When You Have to Fight
Assume the Impossible Is Possible
Don't Underestimate Your Stress
Opportunities for Personal Growth

Chapter Seven - Let's Get Real About the Kids

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
Keeping Your Kids Out of the Fray
Setting Limits
Watching for Signs of Stress in Your Kids
Our Teenagers, Ourselves

Chapter Eight - Keeping Yourself Together

Recognizing and Managing Stress
10 Not-So-Hard-and-Fast Rules for Managing Stress
Recognizing and Managing Depression
Choosing Your Problems
Letting Go of Your Problems
Don't Go It Alone

Chapter Nine - Birthdays and Holidays

Happy Birthday for All
Have a Happy Holiday
10 Tips for Keeping Birthdays and Holidays Sane and Happy

Chapter Ten - Kids, Friends, Dating, and Lovers

The Dating Game: Ready or Not?
Back in the Game
Dating and Your Ex
Introducing Your New Love to the Kids
You're the Boss of You
When Your Ex Starts Dating

Chapter Eleven - Taking a Chance on Love Again: Remarriage and Blending Families

Parenting in a Blended Family
Make Space for Mourning, and Change Will Happen
New Family, New Rituals
Dealing with Your Ex About Your Marriage-and Hers
Do We Really Have to Talk About This?
Nurturing Your Relationship
Nurturing Your Extended Family

Appendix - Divorce and Fathering Resources

Index

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