I Need to Know


Words cannot describe what goes through my mind when I think of you! It boggles my mind how I can think of someone almost every single second, minute, and hour of every day!

You are truly amazing in every good way. There was a time when I just didn't think it was possible for me to love again the way I love you and, yet, we are not together! How can that be?

I sit here and ask myself how it is possible that two people who care so much about one another as we do cannot be together! I love you and adore you! I feel we understand and know each other so well--maybe too well sometimes! Our situation is starting to get out of control--all the secrets, all the lies, all the hurting each other!

I ask myself if this is all worth it, and sometimes I just want to give in and say "enough is enough" and let go, but that's easier said than done. I think of all the good times and all the good in you, and all the beautiful memories in this relationship! People say if two people truly love one another, then they should be able to overcome anything!

Sometimes I feel it's only me who has the true love, and yours is some sort of fantasy love. I have put my heart and soul into the past nine months of my life with you. I feel all the effort I have put in this has got to get me somewhere! Then there are days that I just want to let go and say "enough is enough" again. But it's easy to propose impossible solutions!

You're my baby, you're my love, you're my best friend, you're everything to me right now, so why, tell me why, why is it so hard to just move on? It seems like every time I feel that we are getting somewhere, something happens or someone comes back to cause us problems again. Then I'm right back to square one! It just isn't right. I know you don't want to be with anyone else right now, but I'm not so sure about that! You say that you don't have anybody else in your life, but I think you do! I think there is someone out there getting the time that belongs to me. You say you love me truly and want me to believe you. Well it's hard to do that when I feel you're spending time with someone else.

I have already proven my love to you. You know that I'm not with anyone else. I can't be, until I figure out everything about you and me, and everything we have or don't have! I don't want to fight, I don't want to hide, and I don't want to lie! I want to be real! I want us to be honest with each other!

Please help me to understand where I stand! You can be so confusing sometimes with your actions and words! This situation is driving me crazy when it really should be giving me unconditional happiness! I decided to stay with you, so I shouldn't complain, but I wouldn't stay if I didn't feel--or you didn't make me feel--there is enough reason to! That's why it's so hard to decide to go! Ultimately a decision has to be made, though.

Friendship can remain, but are you ready to give up love? Because if your words still sound real to me when you say, "I love you," then there is no way I can leave you. I'm here because I want to be here, but even a girl in love can handle only so much. Remember, actions speak louder than words! I have not only told you, but showed you how much I love you, too. Sooner or later something has to give. You tell me what that is! You're my one true love, and I will always love you, whether we're together or not!