Example Letter #1
It's been over two weeks since I came home from work and found your note on the table. Now when I come in the door, I always look at that same spot on the table and remember how my heart stood still when I read that you were leaving me and going to your mother's house. I was overcome with surprise and amazement then, because I didn't know how you could do such a thing to me, or what I could have possibly done to deserve it. Even though you had threatened to leave me before, I never really took you seriously. But the lonely reality of living in an empty apartment for fifteen days and three hours has forced me to consider what provoked you to leave me.
The biggest problem, I think, is that nasty temper of mine. When I get hungry or tired, I start snapping at the person who least deserves it. It would be easy to say "I'm sorry," but I know I've said that before, usually after I've had one of your delicious dinners and my hungry irritation gives way to warm satisfaction and a feeling of remorse. I'm going to do much better this time, Sweetheart.
First of all, I've made an appointment at the clinic to get a check-up and I'll tell the doctor about my fits of temper. Maybe he'll say I need to take a pill. Do you think they make any anti-temper pills? Also, you've been saying for a long time that we should go to a marriage counselor. I'm willing to do that now and anything else that you think would help because I don't want to lose you. Your leaving has made it clear that my behavior is unacceptable and I have learned my lesson. If you will give me another chance, I promise things will be different now.
Even if my behavior doesn't always show it, I love you with all my heart and miss you so much. Do you miss me a little, too? What do you think about making a fresh start? We could mark the occasion by going out to dinner tomorrow night. If you'd like, we could go to Tony Roma's--I think we both have good memories of that place. My optimistic plan is to come by tomorrow and pick you up at 6 p.m. If you decide to give me another chance, just put the porch light on. If it isn't on, I'll know you're not ready to see me yet, and I'll keep on going.
Example Letter #2
When you called me at work and said that you had moved out, I couldn't believe it. Even now, after almost two months, it's still hard to accept the fact that you're really gone. When you left, I was upset that you would just leave that way, without even telling me good-bye in person. I was angry and hurt. And that's why I haven't gotten in touch with you sooner. It's definitely not that I haven't missed you--believe me, I have.
Over the last few weeks I've taken some time to evaluate our relationship, and I now feel like I understand why you felt that you had to leave me the way you did. I hadn't been giving you enough of my time--or rather, I hadn't been giving enough time to us. I know that I kept promising to cut back my hours at the hospital, and I really meant to. You've said that you didn't feel like you were in a relationship at times, and I don't blame you. If you hadn't shocked me into action by ending our relationship, I probably would have just kept going as I had been for the last couple of years. The ER room had become my life; I felt like I was literally on call all the time. Add to that my volunteer work in the pediatric ward, I might as well have taken up residence at St. John's.
I know now, even more than before, that as much as I love my work at the hospital, you are far more important to me than my profession. I talked to our director and told her that I couldn't put in anymore overtime, and so she agreed cut back my hours to three twelve-hour shifts each week. I also told the head nurse in the pediatric ward that I would only be coming in to volunteer two hours a week from now on.
If you meant what you said about loving me and not wanting things to end, then I hope you'll give us another chance. You mean the world to me, and I promise I'll prove it to you this time. I've learned my lesson, and I won't ever take you for granted again. You deserve the best that I can give, and that's what you're going to get.
I love you so much. I'm sorry if I haven't always manifested that love as I should have. If you're willing to start over, though, I'll make it up to you. I'll begin by making your favorite food for dinner--beef enchiladas with all the trimmings--and your choice of dessert. Give me a call if you're interested and we can get together this weekend.
Example Letter #3
I wish I could turn back the clock. I wish I could turn back a lot of things. Sixteen days ago, when you walked out the door, I felt that time stood still. Was it possible? Why hadn't I seen it coming? Since then, I find myself glancing at the door with the faint hope that you'll be walking through it. I sit in silence, straining for echoes of you resounding from the walls, but the silence is deafening. And I know why you left.
It's my temper. I've always struggled to tame it, but mostly I've failed. When it has boiled, you've often been in its path and taken the brunt of its cruelty, which has made me realize that I can't harness it alone. Your leaving has helped me to make a hard decision--I need some professional help. I want you to know that I've made an appointment with a counselor and that I start on Monday. I realize that my delay (or denial) has put my most precious relationship in jeopardy--you. My promise to you is that I will continue in counseling until I become master of my emotions. I'll do whatever it takes to change my life and save our marriage.
You have always been patient with me. You have stood by me when you were hurt and frustrated. You have given me hundreds of second chances. Can you find it within yourself to give me one more? Facing the difficulty of change, I need you more than ever. I know that you have had to be the strong one, and I know that I am asking you to be the strong one for a little longer, but I promise that I will work hard so that I am pulling my equal weight in the relationship. I know I can make this right if you'll help me. I know this will be the fight of my life, but I am committed to the process no matter how long or how hard it may be.
I love you--although I admit that my actions have not always communicated that. Nevertheless, I love you with all my heart. I miss you so badly. Please believe me when I say that my weaknesses do not define my love. I want you and no other woman. Please give me another chance to prove it.
Would you agree to see me again? We've had a lot of good memories at Marie's Restaurant. Without seeming presumptuous, but with the hope that you would say yes, I made tentative reservations for this Saturday night at eight o'clock. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I just wondered if we could have an enjoyable evening in that beautiful setting while I try to verbalize my heartfelt apology and discuss my plans for counseling. I need you and love you. Please come!
Example Letter #4
The day I found out you were leaving me was the worst day of my life. I felt lost, alone, and hopeless. Now, having been separated from you these past few weeks, I have felt more sadness and pain than I could ever imagine. I blame myself completely and can see how I've driven you away. I completely understand your reasons for leaving.
I'm sorry I've taken so long to realize how many ways I've hurt you and taken you for granted. I see that I let my work become more important than our marriage, but I assure you that now I am getting my priorities in order. Without you in my life, my work has little meaning, anyway. I hope you'll give me a chance to prove this to you. For example, I no longer remain at work past 6 p.m. I leave punctually at 5 and imagine I'm going straight home to you. If you will come back to me, I promise to be home for dinner! I want us to spend more time together and will pay better attention when you want to talk.
For several years, you've wanted us to move into a smaller house and a friendlier neighborhood. You've specifically talked about the new Midvalley community. I realize I've been selfish by insisting that we stay here, but now I'm ready to move anywhere that you will feel more comfortable. I've actually checked with real estate agents in Midvalley and have sent out resumes to employers in that area so I could work closer to home and avoid the long commute.
When I look back on the way I've treated you and misplaced my priorities, I feel deep remorse. Although saying I'm sorry doesn't seem adequate, please let me hold you in my arms and tell you how sorry I really am. The one constant in my life, despite my actions, is my love for you. I've never stopped loving you and I never will. You are worth fighting for, even if the fight is with myself. Please give me another chance. I hope you can see that I'm truly trying to change and am taking active steps to adjust my schedule. You're more important to me than every other consideration. I want to prove this to you with more than promises and show you that I am deeply committed to making you happy.
Please accept my invitation to take you to dinner at Minghella's this Saturday evening. We've shared so many wonderful memories at this restaurant. Remember when we ordered lobster and crab on our first date? Let's order lobster and crab again. Let's remember why we fell in love in the first place. I know our love is still alive; it just needs a little nourishing. I want to show you we can be happy again and that our happiest times are yet to come. Please forgive me.
I miss you. I need you. I love you.
Example Letter #5
I remember exactly where I was when you told me you were leaving. I was sitting in the chaise by the fireplace. I was reading that new Mary Higgins Clark mystery. I remember that I was wearing my black skirt and green cardigan. I don't know why I remember all the details. But the detail that I remember the most was how I felt. I felt as if my heart jumped and turned over and I was left with this cold fear in the pit of my stomach.
I can't say that I was totally surprised. Our relationship had been suffering for awhile, but I naively thought that because we loved each other, it would get better with time. I thought it was just a bump in the road that we would get over.
Since you've been gone, though, I've thought a lot about it, and realize now that things were worse than I let myself believe. I knew that you weren't happy. Instead of trying to talk about it and deal with it, I chose to brush it under the rug and hoped that it would go away on its own. But instead, you went away. I realize now how selfish I was and how I always considered my own wants and needs before yours.
I want you to come back. I am willing to put forth whatever effort required to make things work. Let's talk about it. Let's go see a counselor if you think that's a good idea. I promise that things will be different this time. I'll focus on being much less selfish and considering your wants, your needs and your feelings. I know I may not have always acted like it, but I love you. I love you more now since the separation because I realize what I had and how much I have lost.
Please, let's meet and talk about it. Let's meet at the city park where we had our first date. I'll pack a picnic lunch and we can talk about getting back together. I really want to see you again. How about Saturday at 2 pm? I'll be waiting for you under that large willow tree.