Do I Love You?


Do you know what it is like to look up into the velvet night sky, and yet not see the stars? Do you know what it is like to see the song birds sing their sweet music, and yet not hear their sound? Do you know what it is like to know your heart's inside you, and yet not feel its beat? Do you know what it is like to be in a crowd of people smiling, laughing, sharing their love together, and yet be all alone with no one around? Do you know what it is like when the light of your life has been extinguished, and you are left in absolute and complete darkness, frightened and alone? Do you know what it is like when the one you love so deeply and dearly is so far away? Your heart cries out their name and yet there is no reply.

All you want to do is hold them in your arms, and you cannot. All you desire to do is kiss their sweet lips, and you cannot. You long to hear their soft sweet voice as they whisper words of love to you, and you cannot. You just want them near, and they are not.

Their absence brings with it frustration and sadness. You question God that you cannot be with the one you love, and yet you thank Him completely for bringing that person into your life, all the while knowing that no amount of dreams or hopes or prayers can change the situation-the situation that is in the hands of the God you trust.

So, what do you do in such times? How do you keep your wits about you? How do you maintain some semblance of normal life, when all you can do is think about the person that you are so much in love with and who you would do or give anything just to be with? You feel lost somewhere between the cruel reality of life, and the dream-like fairytale that you wish to live in, and the only salvation is to be found in the arms of your beloved and that cannot happen.

Friends cannot comfort your soul. Thoughts only make your heartache worse. What do you do? You pray to God for the strength to see you through this situation, knowing that you will never fully be the person you were before when your love was here.

The mind is a whirlwind as your thoughts are tossed around like leaves in the wind. But the one thought that is constant and eats away at the core of your soul is a simple one: "When will I hear from you again? Will I ever hear from you again?" Time causes such thoughts to occur, over and over. It is only human. I am only human.

And so, I wait. For how long? Only time can tell. As I wait, it seems as though the hands of the clock move in reverse instead of forward. Each second that passes seems an eternity away from you. Time takes you further away from me instead of bringing you closer, and time is something that is beyond our control.

Oh, to be an angel, and have wings that I may fly into your arms at this very second! To taste your sweet kiss and feel your warm embrace. To love you, to have the pain of needing you, all vanish in your arms, as would snowflakes on a summer day. And to know that we would at last be together for all our days. Days spent lost in sweet heavenly love, such as we have never known.

My darling, how is it that love can be so wonderful, and yet hurt so badly? Such pleasure in knowing and feeling your love for me, and such mortal pain in being apart from the one that I love so deeply, so dearly, so passionately.

Darling, you know the old saying that applies to being away from someone important that goes: "Out of sight, out of mind"? But, my love, every "old saying" has an opposite maxim. This one is: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Just when I think it is not possible to be more in love with you, I discover that I am more in love with you than ever before.

Good night, my love. And never doubt that with each breath that I take, I love you more. I love you.