It has taken me days to write this letter to you. Please read it with care and with the understanding that much thought went into it.
I miss the way we were. With all my heart, I wish that there was some way we could go back to the days where your eyes beheld me as the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, when your heart felt lighter in my presence, when the thought of me kept you warm on a cold night. I still think about you this way.
I know that I am the one mostly to blame for letting that light in your eyes die. I know that I messed up, that the things that I did were wrong, and I wish that there were something I could do to go back in time and change them. I know what it's like to be hurt the way that I have hurt you. It hurt me to see the pain that I caused you and not be able to do anything to make it better.
Now here we are together again, but it doesn't feel the same. I know you still care for me--and even love me--but I wonder if you are ever going to forgive me for the past? How do we get past the hurt and the unhappy memories? Is it even possible? What can I do so that you will forgive me, to let me into your heart once more? Please let me earn back your trust and feel the fullness of your love again!
I look back on all that I took for granted, and I only wish that I had appreciated it. I know that if I had it all back again, I would work harder to keep it this time. I wouldn't push it away like I did then. I would enjoy every moment I could bask in the beams of your radiant love. I want a chance to love you the right way this time, but I need you to give me a second chance. The distance between us tears at my heart. Please know, I have suffered for my sins, the greatest suffering I have ever known. I feel as though it is all my fault that I have lost you and your love. I am asking that you forgive me, please!
I remember a time when we kissed each other for the shear pleasure of it. How we loved to be next to each other--HAD to be next to each other each waking moment. We couldn't wait until you were home again, and we were holding one another in a tight embrace. I remember the way we would lie curled up together with a pillow for each other, but sharing a blanket with each other. We had all we needed to feel safe, and warm, and happy. You are still everything that I need to make my life complete.
As we were going down the road, my head was always on your shoulder as I snuggled up close to you. I smiled contentedly as you sang along with Tim McGraw on the radio. I miss you so much and all those simple, happy times we had together. I remember when we would pull over to the side of the road to look at flowers or to discover the stars on a clear, warm night as we lay in each other's arms. We couldn't resist one another in those days or the need to follow our desire to its climax.
We've decided to stay together, I'm glad of that, but what I really want is the chance to do everything right, to make our relationship stronger and better than it ever was. I want the chance to prove that I've changed, that I can be trustworthy, honest, open, giving, and understanding. I know I have a lot to do before I earn back that trust, but I'd like the chance to try. Love is what makes the difficult easy, and the impossible possible. I know I may be asking for the impossible--to be forgiven.
I long for the days when my touch affected you; made your heart race and your breathing quickened--when everything within you longed to pull me close. There was a fire in your eyes then, a hunger that I miss. Roses and candlelight may be fine for some, but romance is not what I desire, it is passion that I yearn for, passion that I feel I must have in my life--in your eyes. Time, hurt, and betrayal have erased that passion, but my desire for it is strong. I would do anything to feel desire burning through you as you take me in your arms.
I look at you now with new eyes. I have a new appreciation for the wonderful things about you that once I took for granted, and the beauty of a face that reflects both the man I love and my dearest friend. No longer can I take you for granted, you are too important to me, too precious on every level--the man I love; the one whose love I once held in my hands. If only I had treated you right then, I know that I would be holding you still.
The words of a song keep floating through my head: "If ever you're in my arms again, this time I'll love you much better. If ever you're in my arms again, this time I'll hold you forever. This time will never end." Even though you are in my arms, I know that you don't trust me with your heart yet. If ever I have the chance again, I would do everything so much better. But I'd like to know if that chance will ever come. Will you give me anything more than a reluctant reconciliation? I long for so much more. I need so much more. Maybe I have no right to hope for it, but I do.
With regrets of the past and hopes for the future, I love you,